RIVERSIDE RETREATS

Imagine a 'Nature Scavenger Hunt' along the riverside trails, where family members 
can work together to find hidden treasures while enjoying the outdoors. 
How might this adventure encourage both fun and a healthy, active lifestyle?

More FUN ... Through FOLLOW THROUGH

Without "Follow Through" ... well ... we go back to our normal lives.

Do you desire deep relationships?

As you go through this page, you may think ... "Someone needs to get a life.  Who thinks about relationships this much?"  The truth is that you may think certain people / personalities think about relationships a lot and you may think that others do not care a wit about relationships.   You may be surprised to learn that it's very much the opposite.  People we think are really caring and great with relationships, may not be so much and those we think don't care about people / relationships, may care far more than we do. 

Do you know how to create deep relationships?  

At Riverside Retreats we believe everyone, at a very DNA level desire's deep relationships.  We all have just been hurt so many times, it seems like we maybe have given up on having even one, much less more.

Ken believes that ...

Ken come to the 2023 Octoberfest at Riverside Retreats with the goal of learning how to create deep relationships.  Ken believes that there are 4 T's to developing deep relationships.  

  • Time ~ Without investing time, it would seem that deep relationships aren't possible.
  • Truth ~ If we aren't truthful then it would seem that we don't have ... can't have a deep relationship.
  • Transparency ~ If we aren't vulnerable, where we could get hurt, we won't have deep relationships?
  • Trust ~ If we invest the Time, are Truthful and have Transparency will we have deep relationships?  What's interesting is ... it seems like the answer is often "No."  If that is the case, why don't we gain trust which leads to deep relationships? 

"Feelings are probably not the best thing to build deep relationships on.  Just saying!"

FRUSTRATION

Do you ever get frustrated with people ... with situations ... with ... well ... maybe you're like my brother Ken and he get's frustrated with ... well ... this website ... AND ... hearing his brother say things over and over again and again.  

Does Ken realize that his brother and others around him get even more frustrated with him for him not seeming to get things through.  It's like like ... "Ken, for crying out loud, if you want deep relationships you need to learn to internalize what people are saying.  If you don't do that ... well ... eventually people will just give up."  I mean ... your brother won't because of his stupid vision and you're one of the 8+ billion people so ..." but others will.  

So ... there are 3 elements to frustration.   Reduce any of these and you'll FEEL less frustrated, you will FEEL like people will like you more and they will FEEL like they like you more ... so what's the problem?   You can FEEL you have a deep relationship, when you don't and not FEEL you have a deep relationship when you do.  

I have found to have deep relationships, it takes really hard work, it's risky and it takes sacrifice ... often sacrificing one's feelings for decades.  

When most people get frustrated, they work less, care less and expect less.  Yes, we feel better, but are we really better or worse and don't even realize it? 

3 Elements To Frustration

  • 1. Work ~ The harder we work at something that more frustrated we will get when we don't get the results that we want ... think we want.  Working less will help us to feel better in the moment, but we won't make the breakthrough in our own minds and/or in relationships.
  • 2. Care ~ If we don't care about something, it's likely impossible to get frustrated.  Yes, if we care less, that will make us to feel better now, but we won't make the personal / relational breakthrough.   
  • 3. Expectations ~ If we don't have any expectations, we won't get frustrated ... but is that really good and/or healthy?  If we want deeper relationships ... want to become a better person ... 1st ~ We need to take Ownership and get frustrated with ourselves.    2nd ~ Next we need to get frustrated with the systems around us.   This can be ways of thinking for groups we are a part of and/or ways we think / do things.  It could be technology or manual ways of doing things.  3rd ~ We need to get frustrated with others.  Often, sadly it seems others are ... well ... how do we say it ... a bit like Zombie's, the walking dead and we not only need to get frustrated but we need to show the frustration with others to wake them up.  

If you're thinking ... "Wow, that seems like a whole lot of work!"  Right?!?!   If someone tells you that you can have deep relationships without a ton of hard work ... well ... either that person is delusional and/or maybe they are really big into feelings and they want to tell you what you want to hear in the hopes that you will tell them what they want to hear and ... well ... if that's the type of deep relationships you want to have ... just being honest ... you probably already have those types of relationships, I'm guessing.  

NOW ... if you're the lazy type of person ... we can make it easy for you.  If you aren't CHANGING & DOING ... they you still don't get the "Internalization Model."   Watch it again and again and again ... and share with others after each time.  Maybe someone around you can help you "get it."  

Years ago, Mark met with two of his nieces and for a few years we worked on writing a book "Relationship For Life."
~ click here ~
Share your thoughts
It's seems like people actually think they do want a deep relationship but seem to not be clear as to how hard it is, how much work is needed, how much sacrifice is required and there's are risks to ourselves and others.
What happens in a marriage where one is growing and the other isn't?

What happens in a marriage, friendship and/or a relationship when one is happy with the relationship, but the other wants more?
There are so many GREAT questions!

Mark has a few thoughts on this.

For those who know Mark, you may say "Of course he does."  

Mark's a bit strange in that he really thinks about things and he believes that if someone SAYS they WANT something ... they will need to do the WORK, take the RISKS and make the SACRFICES required to get what they SAY they WANT.   

Mark doesn't disagree with Ken in the four things ... but in Mark not disagreeing doesn't mean he agrees either.   

  • Time ~ So ... what dose "time" mean?  It's not just quantity of time or quality of time, but it seems like it may be perfect blend of both.   If the time we invest with others, is spent on superficial / surface things like milk or gas prices, or the latest in sports, politics and/or religion ... well ... these likely will not lead to deep relationships.   Most people think they are busy and don't have time.  Mark has an extra 20 to 30+ hours of free time a week.  How does it do this?  ~ The Secret About Time ~ 
  • Truth ~ Jim Bontrager says ... "God confronts the mind to reveal the heart."   Mark has found that when he shares things with people, it more often than not does not lead to deep relationships, but leads to people not only not wanting to be around him, but actually talking behind his back and seeking to destroy relationships others may have with him.   What did Jim say about Mark ~ click here ~ 
  • Transparency ~ It's interesting ... right?  When people ask you how you are doing, do they really want to know?  Do they really want to get to know who we really are.  Mark's wife, Rosanna, tells people in the most loving way who say they want to get to know Mark ... "Trust him, you don't."   To much transparency, too quickly can destroy a relationship before it even gets started.  Join "Riverside Retreats" Life GPS web mobile app to learn how best to do this.   ~ click here ~ 
  • Trust ~ Isn't trust a funny thing?  Have you found that we often trust people we shouldn't trust and don't trust people we should?  Have you found that we often trust ourselves when we shouldn't trust ourselves and don't trust ourselves when we should?  Mark write an interesting white paper on trust.  ~ click here ~ 

Mark's uncle Gary's goal once in attending Riverside Retreats was "For Mark to have a surface conversation."  Mark granted his Uncle Gary that request.  Mark's Uncle Dave visited Riverside Retreats once and Ken said he didn't think Mark could be normal.   When Ken asked Uncle Dave how it was with Mark and was Mark normal, Uncle Dave surprised Ken and said Mark was normal.

What was Mark's secret?  It was simple.   Don't go deep, talk about surface things, like gas prices and other things that most normal people do to feel good.

What's interesting ... is that Uncle Gary shared with Mark years ago ... "Mark, you're very different.   You have the capacity / ability / desire to have deep relationships with many people."   

When you SAY you are interested in deep relationships?  Are you sure?  Are you willing to do the work, make the sacrifices, take the risks needed to have deep relationships?  Are you sure?  Hmmm ... interesting.

Are you the person who has found what you love to do so you never work a day in your life? ... OR ... 
Are you the person who has discovered your life vision and if you don't do it ... you'll die?

What Is the vaccine to the triangulation to relationship death? 

  • 1. Thankfulness  helps to prevent entitlement thinking
  • 2. Humbleness  helps to prevent self-righteousness
  • 3. Taking Ownership helps prevent being a victim.

Can you have a deep relationship ... if one of the two people aren't clear as to what they life vision is?  Why they were put on this planet?

Hmmm ... great question!   Think about it.  If one person is growing and changing each and every day and the other person, maybe not so much, what is going to happen?  

There's going to be distance.  

In addition to distance there is likely going to be competition as competition comes from jealousy.  Jealousy either comes from either not being clear as to why were were put on this planet, so we are insecure and jealous towards others around us ... OR ... maybe we are just lazy?   Lazy people like to look good.  Feelings are really important to the lazy or insecure person and that seems to lead to three things.

Triangulation To Relationship Death

  • 1. Entitlement ~ People who are focused on feelings almost always seem to be focused on their feelings and tend to attract others around themselves with similar types of feelings to validate their own feelings of self-worth and significance.  
  • 2. Self-Righteousness ~ Isn't it interesting how many people mess up a lot, in a lot of areas of life and talk as if they are humble ... but ... well ... maybe not so much?  
  • 3. Victim ~ Do you have anyone in your life who hurts you and then they have the magical ability to make it about  them?
We call these three things the "Tri-Killers" to relationships.   What's strange, is that they all seem to "work together" to kill a relationship ... and ... the person doesn't even see it in themselves.  

Often it starts out with entitlement where "I deserve ..." and when the person doesn't get it they then become self-righteous about how they are better than the person who has "wronged" them but not seeing / saying / doing something that the selfish / self-centered / self-absorbed person feels ... and the stronger the feeling the more accurate it is in the person's mind and they will attack anyone who doesn't accept what they say and hurt that person. When they hurt the person, they then become the victim and the vicious circle starts all over again.

Before

Without the people ... well ... the people and their relationships are really want makes Riverside Retreats special.

After ... We Need YOU!!!

You are free to have fun relationships, surface relationships and/or very deep relationships.  It is up to you entirely.  

Where Do You Want To Start Your Deep Relationship Adventure?

Level 1 ~ NO Work and NO Sacrifice

Riverside retreats offer an array of water-based activities like kayaking, paddleboarding, and swimming, allowing visitors to engage with the natural environment in an active and exciting way.

Serenity and Relaxation: 

The calming presence of the river promotes relaxation, providing an escape from the hustle and bustle of daily life, perfect for unwinding and rejuvenating.

Nature Exploration: Nature Exploration: 

Riverside environments often boast diverse flora and fauna, encouraging guests to explore hiking trails, observe wildlife, and appreciate the beauty of the outdoors.
​

Social Gathering Spaces: 

The riverside setting lends itself to social interactions, from picnics and barbecues to group games and evening bonfires, fostering connections among visitors.
​​

Scenic Aesthetics: 

The visual appeal of a riverside location, with its reflective waters and soothing sounds, naturally enhances the overall experience, creating an ambiance of tranquility and enjoyment.​​
Wow ... Deep Relationships Are Messy!

This is part of an email conversations between brothers.

Do you ever get frustrated with people?   If you want to never get frustrated with someone again ... check this out.   It works like you can't even believe.   > https://www.riversideretreats.org/riverside-2023-10-oct-followthrough#section--16160

On Fri, Oct 27, 2023 at 7:26 AM Ken Boersma <ken@boersmafamily.com> wrote:
"Your Welcome" :)
I think the frustration was about a 1/3 rd of the way through the web site. 

Mark ~ Thanks.   OK ... give this a try and see if this provides the vaccine to help you "work out your salvation" ... "work out your frustration" ... the Bible interestingly enough doesn't say "feel out your salvation."  Hmmm that would be a great Bible study to see how many times "feelings" are even mentioned in the Bible.   :-)  That is coming from my gut, not my analytic side. But wouldn't the point of frustration probably be different depending on how much the person has been exposed to your stories, perspectives and models?
Mark ~ Tom Kunz has a vaccine for that as well.  He becomes childlike and seeks to learn / see something different each time.  Thanks Tom!   :-)    

I wonder if people get completely overwhelmed by you and that is why the "black out". 

Mark ~ People have said that they hate being around me because "I make them feel stupid."   Alan Petlin taught something to his girls that I think my parents may not have taught my three brothers?  

The truth seems to be that you can't make anyone feel stupid, you can only help reveal their stupidity.    

I think how you overwhelm people may be for very different reasons and ways, like: 
- the title wave of information via emails, web sites, visual models. They may feel "over their head" as a result or feel like they are drowning so they get as far away from you to stop feeling like they are drowning to protect themselves.- your relentlessness ( you might care more about a person doing something they say they want to do more than they care about it.)

Mark ~ Ken, maybe if people would stop investing all their energy into their own feelings ... maybe then they would have a little time / energy to have empathy for others?   Without question this is true.  When someone says they WANT deep relationships, I'm stupid enough or maybe just care enough that I believe that that falls in my life vision to help them either get what they SAY they want to to "Just Stop Saying It."  This is one reason investing a lot of the 7 T's into Voice Of Integrity.  I think a lot of the issues in today's world is people don't have integrity with themselves and their own minds.   - your energy ( you "overload" their circuits) they can't handle your energy and they "short-out"

Mark ~ Yepper, hope I can get to them before "life" gets to them because life doesn't seem to care and ... well .. Kevin King had three strokes and lots of other messy / hard things happened, that I wonder maybe didn't have to happen?  I get it though ... when ... well ... maybe ... let's say a brother does something that you just can't forgive ... he questions your competency ... well ... what you have invested your entire life into ... it's who you have become ... like if you should be a pastor, or if your sister-in-law who has her elementary education degree is better at taxes than you as a CPA are, or if you have a masters degree in technology and you can't figure out how to get technology to work in 9 months and someone from India can get it working in a week and your brother questions your ability in technology ... no ... no ... no ... we don't want to talk about Bruno ... :-)    Maybe Ken ... if people were to work hard at KNOWING what they were put on this planet for vs.  all the FEELINGS that come up about "how maybe I've wasted my life" ... maybe ... Ken, just maybe people who actually BE SIGNIFICANT vs. seeking to FEEL significant?   - your "confidence" - they are not used to the level of confidence that you bring and so they are skeptical, dismissive and don't believe and ultimately "decide" you are "whacked", and then they turn you out.

Mark ~ Yes ... that is often the case and it would not be kind (I have done ONE unkind thing this year so I don't want to do another one) to share that I'm relieved when they tune me out so I can then focus on finding others who maybe have never heard and are actually desiring to learn, to change, to grow ... to have truly deep relationships vs. feelings which aren't true.    Just some of my thoughts on this matter. I have added a few people because I thought it might be "helpful" to do so.

Mark ~ Thanks.  I see that you may be missed some people that you care deeply about so I added a few of those people for yours and their benefit.  "You're welcome."  :-)  Ken

Oh ... one more thought Ken.

"... stop feeling like they are drowning to protect themselves."

Maybe Ken, people don't know how they are and they think they are protecting themselves, but maybe Ken, they don't know who they really are and maybe what they are protecting is actually the very thing that is holding them back from being who they were created to be? Maybe adults are more like children than they realize and maybe they have something inside of them, like a child with a small sliver in their finger and when their parent goes to take it out, the child feels the pain and doesn't realize that that feeling of pain they are getting from someone who loves them very deeply will save them far more pain down the road?

10/28/2023 - 5:54 am 

Ken, a great night's sleep ... which I think can be most every night, creates so many questions / thoughts for me.

Does it do the same for you Ken?

I have experimented with what causes people to black out ... stop all communications and the thing that is common Ken is that if you ask one question that people don't like ... that shuts them down ... you know like Jesus did. :-)
Jim Bontrager shares ... "God challenges the mind to reveal the heart."

Anyway ... the last Riverside Retreats event seems to be the best ever as there is better / stronger follow through than ever in the past. "How deep do we need to go?" Hmmm ... I guess only as deep in any relationship than we want to?"
  > https://www.riversideretreats.org/riverside-2023-10-oct-followthrough

It's also interesting Ken ...

It also matters to people who else is included in an email?
    > Are people trying to hide certain things from certain people?
Often people say a lot of things. You shared a lot of ... what I thought were some great thoughts / questions and observations which is why I responded to each one. I used to think that when I did that people would respond in kind and the mental "Iron sharpening iron" would continue ... but it almost never does. People just go dark ... they seem to black out.
I used to think this was not good ... but I think I can see things differently now Ken.
You helped me see this Ken when you recently said ... "Mark, you think I don't listen to you, but I do." Not sure why this resonated with me ... so much but it did. I have observed that men who are pastors / in ministry, CPAs and those in technology do actually read far more emails than they reply to.

     > I would think that men would prefer to play in the game, get on the football field ... rather than sit in the stands and watch ... but I realize that this is not true for most men ... which is OK. I mean ... if you're sitting in the stands you get to FEEL so many feelings. You get to FEEL that "Your team / you have won." without any of the work, without any of the sacrifice and without any of the risks.
... SO ... let me get this straight ... I can have all these feelings without any of the ...? Why would anyone play on the field if they get the FEELING without any of the work, without any of the sacrifice and without any of the risks?

Well ... the challenge is ... that after the game, when there is a big win that everyone is paying attention to the players who are on the field ... and that ... well ... that makes all the men in the stands jealous.

As men get older, it seems to me that their feelings become more intense. Hmmm ... I wonder if when we have feelings if that stops our brains from working and we lose perspective. I mean ... if you're preaching / selling something then feelings / tears / passion can draw people in and ... well ... that's another conversation maybe for a podcast? :-)

It's strange how older men, it seems to me ... seem to get Entitled ... Self-Righteous ... and Victims.

I know for me, I have to fight those feelings now that all my kids are out of the house. Don't really need to work to provide for myself / family financially ... Don't really need to do things that I don't want to do ... but ... is that what God wants me to do? Is that who God created me to be?

Does God just want me to be around people who praise me and think I'm amazing and tell me what I want to hear? Right?

I'm turning 60, Lord willing February 6th 2024. I don't feel old ... I actually, in many ways feel younger than I've ever felt ... at least mentally. Emotionally and relationally and spiritually ... well ... maybe a bit more tired? My mom and dad ... seemed to kind of give up on life after the age of 60 and especially in their 70's ... and ... you know ... maybe that's alright as my good friend Ralph Miller shared with me? At least ... maybe it was alright for them ... but that doesn't mean it's alright for me.

Yepper ... a good night's sleep ... is amazing!

Mark
What is Ken saying here?  What does it mean?  What action should be taken from the following?  

I think how you overwhelm people may be for very different reasons and ways, like: 

* The title wave of information via emails, web sites, visual models. 

* They may feel "over their head" as a result or 

* feel like they are drowning so they get as far away from you to stop feeling like they are drowning to protect themselves.- 

* your relentlessness ( you might care more about a person doing something they say they want to do more than they care about it.)

Hmmm ... maybe Ken ... have you considered that ... maybe ... just maybe they aren't running from me ... maybe they are running from themselves and/or from God?   If you internalize what Jim Bontrager said in his video ... to the left, maybe you would see something about your brother that you struggle with?  Or ... maybe Ken, if you INTERNALIZE what Alan Stain shared ~ click here ~ about me a number of years ago, maybe Ken ... that may change everything?   
I remember Ken sharing how much he loved this video / song.  I HEAR what Ken says ... I FEEL the feelings that Ken really believes that he feels this ... but it seems to me that I don't SEE reckless love in his life.  It seems like, that his type of love is normal love.  It seems like that Ken, for the most part, won't push people who don't want to be pushed.  He seems to love to feel that he's impacting people ... he loves to have / feel tears, loves to feel that he's passionate about helping people as long as ... they are receptive to what he is saying.  
If people don't want to do something ... it seems that Ken won't push them ... which is fine ... I guess ... but let's have integrity and say "Is that really reckless love?"  Do we love anyone enough to put the relationship at risk by sharing something that we feel will hurt them? 
For additional information, details, email Rosanna at MakingAdifferenceInLife7@gmail.com  or call / text Rosanna at 630-649-4059

Rosanna can get your the spreadsheet which will keep you updated on the plans.

There are many reasonably price accommodations.  There are RV Parks, camp grounds, Airbnb, Bed & Breakfasts and you could camp out by Mark & Rosanna's by the river / pond or in their non-renovated cabin.  :-)   Sorry ... Mark said he was willing to give up his waterbed, but Rosanna's not going for that. :-(

Share Your Adventure With Us!

FB Comments Will Be Here (placeholder)
Go Back

TABLE OF CONTENTS

There's a lot in this webpage.   Right?!?!  Question ~ "How Deep Do We Need To Go?"  Answer ~ "How deep of a relationship do you want?"  There are pieces in this webpage which could be life changing for your relationships and the relationship of others.  Use the URL links below to direct others to specific areas of the webpage and share wit them your thoughts, perspective, insights and stories as it relates to specific areas.